He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
