So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
