this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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