Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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