Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
