that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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