I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
