meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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