its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
