He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
