Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
