It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
