i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
