just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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