For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
