I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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