I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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