I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
