I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
