You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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