last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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