so that wasnt chicken after all
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
