Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
