"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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