they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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