Taylor Swift is so right about you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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