I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize