She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
