I must be too annoying 4 u.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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