i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
