And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
