WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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