I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
