'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
