I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You smell like stripper and shame
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
