It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
