i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
