omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
