How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
