he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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