On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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