Apparently you make a good broom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Never joke about your clitoris.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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