i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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