If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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