there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
