Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drake has all the answers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
