the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
