do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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