I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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