and next time when you feel me up, do it right
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
