so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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