He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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