New low: just hacked my moms facebook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
