is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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