I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
false alarm. still invincible.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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