A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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