I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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