then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
