if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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