i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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