HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
